Guiding each step

Some days are just hard. Sometimes what makes those days even more difficult is not being able to identify the trigger. Sometimes anxiety takes over. Sometimes it’s just sadness. I live an amazing life. I have a supportive and loving family, an amazing church family, a wonderful job, caring friends, and a Savior who died for me. I am not lacking anything. I have everything I need and want. So why are some days so hard?

I think growing up I always believed that I had to justify my emotions (still not sure where I got that thinking from). I felt as though if I were sad without having a good reason, I was simply feeling sorry for myself. I’ve had to learn that although sometimes that is true, I think it is okay to feel sad without having an explanation. Some days I don’t think we’re fully aware of all the things that build up and the spiritual warfare that is going on around us. Sometimes we can get so caught up in our picture perfect Instagram moments that we forget about other things that have had a negative effect on us. For me, it is habit to push down any negative emotions I have. I convince myself that I am fine, but eventually those emotions build up and I explode.

I’ve been in a rough season of life. I feel as though I am being pruned, and it is incredibly painful. There are good days and bad days. Some days I feel numb. Some days I cry. Some days I’m able to say I’ve had a good day filled with laughter. I’m still not completely sure why I’m in this season, but I’m learning to be okay with not understanding it. It’s okay to surrender it to God and ask Him for the grace to get through each day. It’s okay that lately I’ve been sad, because through it all, God is teaching me so very much. I don’t know what’s around the corner for me. I feel out of control. I feel lost. But I am thankful that I can give it to God and trust that He is going to bring something beautiful out of it. I don’t need to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Because I have a Savior who will guide me each step of the way.