Security in Christ

I’m not as confident as I’d like to be. I’m a lot more confident than I was at the vulnerable and awkward age of 18, but am still very aware of how unsure of myself I am. I turned 21 a month ago and everyone kept commenting how young I still am, but then would make the statement that I’m now really an adult. All I could think was that I still feel like I’m in high school and not worthy of being treated like an adult. Don’t get me wrong; there are some areas of my life that I am confident about. But my insecurities sometimes eat at me for days.

This past year brought a lot of change. My family and I found a new church. I was out of school for a semester. I started working full-time. I then decided to go back to school this fall and also switched my major. I had to learn to set boundaries with people. All things that were outside of my comfort zone. But the hardest thing of all was learning that I don’t think I’m worth the work in a relationship.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, but in the past there have been a few guys of interest. Things go well for a little while, we get along pretty well, and then, boom, it all goes downhill. I usually find out a few months later that they are in a relationship and it has left me feeling unworthy and as though something is wrong with me simply because they didn’t choose me in the end.

This year my dad decided to take me through two books: one on relationships and one on men. I was resistant at first. I felt as though I had already made up my mind about how a relationship should go and was confident that I knew what I wanted in a guy. My dad was patient and guided me through both of these books graciously.

As the weeks went by, my thinking slowly started to change. I was seeing things differently and realized I had a lot to learn. There were moments of laughter when discussing these books, but also several times of tears. As we got deeper into our conversations, my dad recognized that I did not think I was worth the work in a relationship. As soon as he asked about it, the tears fell. I explained my hurt and why I did not think I was worth it. My dad seemed baffled, but gently challenged me. He asked why I would not think I’m worth the work when Christ thought I was. I told him it was different. Christ also thought everyone else was worth it. He then challenged me again that God would have done no differently even if I was the only person on this earth. What a beautiful statement! (Can I just mention how grateful I am for a dad that has been so compassionate and patient with me?! He’s truly an example of Christ’s love.)

Here we are a few months later and I’m still not at that place of security. I still struggle with seeing why I am worth it. But I’m slowly getting there. I’m learning that Christ has to be my security, and I need to rest in the fact that He died for me and He loves me more than I can imagine. I don’t need to let other people’s opinions of me control me. There is always going to be someone who doesn’t like me or who doesn’t think I’m worth it, but that does not define who I am. 

So whether you are 21 and single feeling as though you’re not worth the work, or just someone who struggles with their identity, you need to remind yourself every single day that Jesus thinks you are worth it. He died for you and desires for you to have peace and joy. Take comfort in the fact that He is your security. He doesn’t change. He believes you’re worth the work, and He delights in you.