every need

I've had one of those weeks that's left me feeling vulnerable and somewhat anxious. Details about school are still not figured out, and I'm learning new things about myself that are not fun to deal with. By no means anything tragic, but not the fun part of life either :)

I've been telling myself throughout the week that God has what's best for me, but I still have had my moments of doubt. I've had those moments of thinking that if God really wanted what's best for me, I'd be getting my way right now. No obstacles. It would all just be easy. I'm learning just how flawed that thinking is.

I have no reason to doubt God. I have watched Him do miracles in people's lives. He has changed my life forever. Simply put, I think I start to doubt God because I forget. I forget where God has brought me from. I forget that He has provided every need and more. He has not withheld anything good from me.

So I'm just gonna need to be reminded a lot that God has got this under control. My life is so blessed, and I'm starting to feel silly for doubting God. Especially considering this is my only dilemma I'm facing in my life. So feel free to knock some sense into me when you see me doubting :)

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they?" - Matthew 6:25-27

Otherside

We live in a world that is crying out for someone to save them. A world that is asking for something or someone to numb the pain. Hopelessness overwhelms them as they realize that nothing ever fully takes away the pain. The memories become their demons. They turn to drugs, sex, alcohol, and money to satisfy them. This world is crying out for help.

I understand I can never save the world. I want to. I want to take away people’s pain. I work in a counseling office and I see so much. Children that cut, drug addicts, soldiers with memories that paralyze them, and couples whose marriages are falling apart. Day in and day out I struggle to not be overwhelmed with all the pain I see.

I just heard a song tonight called Otherside by Macklemore. Normally I would not condone this type of song, but it affected me to the point of tears. This song so perfectly describes the world of pain that people are living in and the battle they are facing. (I posted the link to the song below, but it does contain sensitive content just as a warning):

Otherside by Macklemore

After listening to this song, I was overwhelmed by the fact that Jesus chose me. I don’t have to turn to those things the world promises will satisfy. Jesus saved me and is my hope forever. When things get hard and life feels depressing, I have a Savior that has given me life and hope. I don’t have to despair because my hope is not in the things of this world.

As I said above, I realize I cannot save the world, but I am also aware that I have a responsibility to show Christ to others. Sometimes that will be through my actions. Other times it will be through my words. But we have a responsibility to share this good news. We live in a world that is crying out for help and it’s so easy for me to sit back and do nothing about it. How selfish of me!

We look at so many people, but don’t really see them. Take the time to listen to people. Take the time to be there for them, and support them. Don’t bash the people that seem rude and unreasonable. As Christians there is a responsibility we have to love those people. Love is not about loving others just when it’s easy. It’s about being patient and kind during the difficult times.  Let’s try to reach the world and be a light because everyone is fighting a hard battle and there is a glorious Savior who can bring healing and joy despite the troubles of this world. Let’s not keep Him to ourselves. Let’s share this amazing news. Love others like Christ loves us.

Waiting

Last night I was reading my journal. It's taken me two and a half years to fill it up! When I do write it's usually because I'm learning a huge life lesson. As I was reading, I saw a main theme in my journal entries: a dire need for my Savior (I know this, but sometimes you just need to be reminded) and an unwillingness to wait. There were some entries where I was convinced God would not provide what I needed or desired. There were other entries where I just felt hopeless and as though I was failing at life (probably because I was ;). I also saw how God has changed me and yet even now how He's asking me to wait. Wait for His perfect timing.

 It's something I've been told my entire life by various people: "Just trust God and know that He'll give you what you need when you need it." Well, sometimes I just don't want to be told that :) This week has been a huge lesson in waiting. I could easily grab the very things I desire, and yet to grab them at this moment would mean not waiting on God. The things I desire for my life are good things, but they're distracting me from the one thing I need to be investing in. Sometimes I get so distracted by just "living life" that I forget to seek the one thing that gives me that life. The One who gives me joy and peace. The One who has changed my life forever. I think He's asking me to really become satisfied in Him and to rest in Him before I go running after everything else.

The very day I came to this realization I was on Pinterest (I might have an addiction...) and came across what is now a favorite quote:

"Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we're waiting for." - Charles Stanley

So there you have it. I value the things I'm waiting for and I'm willing (at least for now :) to wait. He really does know what we need and He wants to bless us. So I'm trusting His promises and excited to see what He does while I'm waiting!

Gratitude

What would Thanksgiving week be without a blog post on gratitude? :) In all honesty, it's not something I've had lately. I'm generally a happy person who loves the little things in life. I get happy when my mom buys me a Lunchables or when a teacher says good job. It just doesn't take much to make this girl happy. The last couple of months have been different, though. I've been in a challenging season of life where I've really had to figure out why I believe what I believe. I had some of it figured out, but God presented me with some new ways I was not expecting. In the midst of my struggle, I stopped fighting. I became so consumed with my "difficulties" that I slowly started becoming unhappy. I lost my joy. I stopped wanting to live my life abundantly. I just wanted to lie around all day doing nothing. I was by no means depressed. I just stopped seeking God and started seeking happiness in materialistic things.

This past week was really hard. I was torn between two worlds: the one I wanted and the one I knew was right. It's amazing how those two worlds often don't mix (and by amazing, I mean annoying..I want what I want ;). I've had a lot of talks with God this week. Actual talks with God where I argue and get angry and then sad. I also realized that despite my battle, my life is still amazing. I mean, really! I am so blessed. I don't want you to think my life has been terrible lately. Because it hasn't. But I have to admit I'm not where I want to be right now. I feel like I'm stuck in life. But when I really think about it, I'm so thankful for it. It's easy to be thankful for the good things in life. Our families, friends, food, shelter, and a number of other things. And it is wonderful to be thankful for those things. But what about the hard times? Isn't adversity what helps build character? Aren't those difficult times what often brings us even closer to God? 

Romans 5:3-5:
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

So I'm choosing this week to be thankful that I'm having to fight for joy. It's been rough. I'd just rather sit around feeling sorry for myself. But I'm thankful for the battle because every single time my Savior proves He is faithful and He is love!

What are you thankful for this week? :)

Expensive food and School

So I'm on this new kick of eating healthy food (it's a miracle, I know). I have traded in my McDonald's double cheeseburger for celery and apples. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those completely healthy people, but I'm really trying to reduce the amount of junk food I eat. However, can we just take a moment to mention how freaking expensive healthy food is? I mean really! Why do they make it so expensive to be healthy? I spent 50 bucks just on snack food this week! Oh the joy. I now get to choose between new clothes and my health. Splendid. But seriously...I'm blessed, so no more complaining!

So two months from now I will be graduated with my associate's degree in accounting! I am so excited! Seriously cannot wait to be done and Lord willing start studying psychology at Roanoke College. Still have to apply there, though...I'm working on it this weekend. Praying that it will all work out and I will receive enough financial aid! I get so excited at the thought of studying psychology and helping people one day! What could be better than that?